Forgive me father, for I have sinned. Yes, sir, I realize that this is a 711 and that by insinuating that you are a Christian I have offended your religious beliefs. “Praise Shiva” and such. Anyhow, I need desperately to talk to someone, and this is the only place that’s still open. All the churches have closed their doors to me. I understand that it is three am on a Tuesday, but it still feels like I’m being shunned.
What’s that? Oh yeah, I mentioned that I had sinned, hadn’t I? I probably shouldn’t leave that just hanging there. Allow me to explain.
You see, it all started twenty-three short years ago. I’m talking about my life, of course. It seems like I’ve had hardships since birth. Well, maybe not. Two was a good year. Anyway, like I said my life has been no picnic. I’m not trying to justify anything; I’m just trying to give you a little insight into what I’m all about.
These hardships I mentioned have been piling up, and mostly I’ve kept my cool. Not literally, I recall many instances when my body temperature rose considerably. But tonight my stoic exterior broke. Hmm? Oh, stoic means not showing any perceivable emotion… No, not the same, to be pensive means you’re thoughtful. Yes, I suppose you could be stoic while you’re being pensive, but let’s get back on topic.
Let me get to the point of this confession of mine. First I bought a handgun, quite impulsively. Yes, I realize the three-day waiting period is designed to quell impulses like this, but this was a very drawn out impulse. The point is that I am now the proud owner of a pistol. So I took this pistol, and decided it was time I put all my anger and frustration into something productive, like a misdemeanor or a felony. So I picked an old standard.
You already know where I’m going with this, don’t you? I suppose it’s not much of a confession if the one who listens to it knows how it all turns out, so I guess this was a pretty useless exercise. Thank you for your time, anyway. You can put your hands down now.